Feeling frustrated.....

For years, my busy little B has had pretty bad meltdowns, to the point where he would need to be physically restrained and his preschool classroom sometimes had to be cleared out until he calmed down.  The severity of these meltdowns and the suddenness of their ending made his pediatrician wonder if he could be having seizure activity like his sister.  She referred us to neurology and we took him to the same neurologist Iz sees.  The neurologist thought seizure activity could possible explain the meltdowns as well (not positive but possible) and B's EEG showed similar abnormal brain activity like Iz's so B started medication.  His dosage has been raised a few times and the frequency of the meltdowns has changed--they are few and far between now.  He's never had one at school this year so the kinder teacher has never seen what he used to be like.  Now, though, he is on the opposite extreme--he will completely shut down, refuse to participate or talk or move.  Honestly, though, the shut down is a million times better than the meltdown--at least with a shut down I don't have to be worried he will hurt himself or others.

The shut downs don't frustrate me.  When they happen at home, we treat them much as we would a mild meltdown--we leave him alone once we've made sure he doesn't seem to be currently having a seizure and he's okay and that gives him time to collect himself and come back to us.  However, his teacher called me and wanted me to punish him at home for having a shut down at school :-|  THAT frustrates me to no end.  She in insistent that this is all control issue and that he will just not work at school and then I'll let him play all evening and she can't have that.  A control struggle with B looks very very different.  He may refuse to do something, he may even refuse to talk to you while he is refusing to comply, but he never stops moving.  He wiggles, he spins, he wriggles around while sitting down, he looks all over the room.  The hyperactivity part of his ADHD does not stop because he is trying to exert control over a situation.  A shut down, though?  He is still.

I tried to talk to her about what his shut downs at home are like, about his OCD tendencies that can kick in and make him lose it over things that normally are just routine, about his anxieties that flare up without warning.  But she just kept insisting its a control thing and I need to punish him.  I talked it over with B's therapist and she is feeling the same frustration I am!  She has seen B's meltdowns and shutdowns as well as him trying to exert control and yeah, a shut down is not a control move.

At the moment, I'm at a loss on how to get through to this teacher.  I need to figure something out :\