When does it seem real?
For almost six months I have given medicines twice a day, have gone to countless doctor's appointments, have worried and watched as Iz had trouble breathing, felt her heart thudding in her chest as it worked too hard, heard her swish-swish-swish heartbeat from her murmur, been through surgery, daily see her OHS scar, see the numerous little wounds from her various IVs and lines, see the spots where various leads were attached and the adhesive has not yet worn off. There are numerous little signs and memories of all of it.
So why, in those first few moments after waking, do I still think it must all be a dream because surely all of those things couldn't have happened to us?
I totally know how you feel! My daughter had OHS at 3 months of age a little over a year ago, and some days I still can't believe all that has happened to her since she was born! It seems so surreal sometimes. It was a tough road for a long time, but I do see light now (knock on wood). I also know how you feel about the scar. It seems so odd to worry about something seemingly unimportant, but one day it may be important to our little girls, so of course we worry about it! I am not sure how I found your blog, but I have enjoyed reading about Iz. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers!
ReplyDeleteJeanine
I think perhaps worrying about the scar, for me, was and is a way to step back from the bigger worries that come with a heart baby and major surgery. The worry leading up to and during and immediately after surgery can be crushing--worrying about a scar is looking ahead to a time when things are easier. She survived, she is healing, she is doing so much better and someday, she will worry about a scar instead of worrying about whether or not she will make it, you know? So worry about her scar I will whenever I need a break from the bigger worries ;)
DeleteYour little Annie is so adorable! She has been through so much just from a quick glance over your blog! I hope things continue to get better for her :)
Me too! Hannah had her surgery the same day as Iz and was discharged one day before. I still don't feel like this has happened and I certainly haven't 'dealt' with it--I'm afraid I'm going to have a major meltdown in the grocery store one day! I guess I'm just so thankful as to how well she's doing I'm not sure how to process what she's done! Glad I'm not alone!
ReplyDeleteI thought about your little one a lot while Iz was in surgery! I kept checking to see if you maybe perhaps decided to update your blog so I could see how she did :p I was so happy to hear she did well! I hope she continues to do fantastic and you avoided that meltdown ;0)
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