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Monday, February 6, 2017

In the grand scheme of things, this is a blink of the eye

Sometimes, I catch myself daydreaming of how productive I could be if I could just snatch back some of my time.  Huge parts of my day are spent driving from one appointment or school drop-off/pick-up or sitting in waiting rooms.  Another huge chunk of my day is spent holding W during his various naps.  If he would just lay down in his bed or even on the sofa on his own, I could do so much!  Clean, write that novel floating around in my head, organize my closet, the possibilities are endless.  But,  honestly, those moments are fleeting--I think back on when Izzy was tiny, how precious those moments just holding her were because of the uncertainty we faced with her future, how the reassurances that her chances of survival were high could never quite blot out the possibility that she would not.  So I find myself looking down into a tiny sleeping face and balancing the checkbook doesn't seem as important as it did in those few seconds where I thought "I could be".  Instead of "I could be", I will just be.  All the rest can wait until later.